Goooood morning!

This was my thought this morning when the alarm went off at 5am. 😂 However I am awake now with my coffee and feeling great!

Last week I didn’t do any of my little workouts. I guess I said “Eff a workout toooooo!” 🐓 But…I am back on track this week!

Did grocery shopping Sunday morning and couldn’t find the Bob Evans potato’s section. Then when I spotted them I went right up to a guy in Walmart and pointed and said “The Bob Evans are over there!” Then he fully turned around and looked at me and it wasn’t my husband. Then I hear My husband dying laughing. 😂 😆🤣 Oooppsssss… I just saw a bald head and went with it…. Lordy. 😆

I’ll end this randomness on a personal accomplishment note. We just took our daughter back to college Saturday for her finals this week. It’s 5 hours one way. I never drive on trips or such where there’s long highway driving. Gets my anxiety going bad. Well I told myself I need to start so my husband isn’t doing all the driving, it’s too much as we make many trips there and go there and back in the same day. Soooo, Saturday was my third trip driving to college. The first trip I mostly stayed in the slow lane and was full of anxiety. Second trip I did toggle lanes a bit and I didn’t clench the wheel like I was going to die any minute. 😂 Saturday on my third trip I started getting confidence. I drove well and anxiety was much lower. This Saturday will be my 4th trip driving there bringing her home for the summer. ( Hubby drives home ) I have to say I never thought in my life I would drive on highways 🛣 for long trips to another state. I feel very accomplished and proud of myself. This is also brought on by me getting my alcohol under control. Living in a fog is no fun at all, glad I got my ass out of it!

I have been posting lately without over correcting my posts. I tend to over correct and then get frustrated with how much time I’m taking trying to share my thoughts with you all. I’ve decided to just go with it more.

Have a kick ass day everyone! 😍 Thank you for reading!!

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Mornings and Oreo’s

Not sure yet if I will stop at just two…😆

Good morning! This morning I felt the need to have Oreo’s and milk after consuming my normal breakfast. Meh….I’m happy, I’m going with it. 🤷‍♀️

Last night I got my second COVID shot. Within 3 hours I had bad pain in that arm but that’s okay, I did for the last shot as well. Woke up every half hour last night with all over pain/aches. 4 Ibuprofen does take it down a notch I am able to work today thankfully. It’s rough though, it hurts to even brush my hair. So….hence the cookies. I felt I needed them this particular morning.

I was also thinking I’m so glad I’m not at the point where the “Oh I shouldn’t drink around my COVID shot time” thinking would start and then most likely cave. I can’t imagine how I feel today compounded with alcohol.

I heard this song on the radio this morning and I remember back when I used to drink nightly I’d play music in my ear buds and “really connect with the lyrics and the singer.” Here’s a chorus to a song I would play a lot:

[Chorus]
You’re the only thing that gets me high
And I hate it, and I hate it (Woah)
You’re the only thing that gets me high
And I hate it, and I hate it
(Woah, woah, woah, woah)
Yeah!

I would blast it and connect with it. I would think “Oh yeah he really understands how I feel.” Well what a rut I was in! I wasn’t doing anything to get out of that rut. Finally I was like “What the hell Jackie your going to just keep this viscous cycle going? Where is it getting you?”

So after much hard work and many failed attempts I am here and doing awesome! As I listened to that song this morning I am sitting here with my Oreo’s and milk very thankful I turned my sinking ship around!

Much love to you all for helping me!

Jackie

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Adoption

Yesterday, 47 years ago I was adopted. I still love sitting down on our land and absorbing everything I love. ❤️ I appreciate everything and love I am now working on myself inside and out.

My birth mom was in her mid 30’s and already had a 13 year old daughter an aunt was taking care of and decided to put me up for adoption. She does not know who the father is. I was in foster care for a few months after birth. That family wrote a lot about my daily activities and such so that it could be handed over to my forever home. They seemed to be such a loving foster home for me. It always cracks me up because on my feedings she wrote “Really shows temper when hungry.” 😂😂😂 Funny thing is my own children got me a shirt a few years ago that says “hangry” on it! Still true to this day!

I was adopted by a loving family and a couple years later they adopted my brother. My mom was told she could never have kids however she got pregnant at 37years old which doc said was a miracle. Then she became pregnant again at 39. So I have 3 brothers. My parents are the best girl could ask for. However, it’s clear I am just a different person than either of them.

My adopted brother sought out his birth mom. She was a very young mom and they have a tight relationship. I have decided not to seek out my birth mom. I feel pretty whole with myself and I honestly don’t think I can handle the ups and downs of the process.

Backtracking a bit is I spent years not loving myself. Always feeling a bit “different.” I drank for years because I forgot those feelings. I got tons of tattoos to enrich my different feelings. Now in my mid 40’s I have put in a lot of time with myself. I have control of the drinking and I appreciate and love myself. (Details on that I’ll do in another blog.) I think I finally, truly appreciate being born instead of asking myself why was I born.

I have never written or talked about this and I’m feeling better just writing this. Dwight’s last post really gave me the strength to post this and for that I am forever grateful. I think I’ll start blogging more on the path I took to finding myself. I think it’s my next step and maybe I could help someone else out as well.

Much much love to you all for reading and being here on WordPress. ❤️ I must go feed my horse and get my butt to work!

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Little bit of this, little bit of that…

Hi friends! I wanted to post this weekend but things got so busy! Saturday did a lot of animal prep ( it was a beautiful day ) and grocery shopping due to we took my daughter back to college Sunday, that’s a 10 hr round trip.

Anyway, I had a great last week. Ate well, did my little workouts, just really felt great.

Loved my Saturday and horse time. This picture really cracks me up. I just love him so. ❤️

He cracks me up!

Sunday was a long driving day. I drove there, hubby home. At one point I was singing this slower rock song to my husband. He was giving me driving advice I didn’t want ( 😆 ) and the song goes “I don’t need youuuuu…” so I belted it out and laughed at myself. Then hubby shakes his head and laughs. I’m like what? He said “As you were belting out that song you came into a 45mph and are currently doing 61mph.” Oh shit!!! In my defense, it’s in a section that does not look like a 45mph! Well that’s my defense and I’m sticking to it! 🤣

Monday I worked 10 hrs. This is a cat at my second job. He literally is obsessed with me! He’s a maine coon cat….HUGE!

His name is Cheddar Cheese! 😂

So that puts us to today. I had off from work which is one of my last weekdays off. I took on another job which puts me working weekdays and Saturdays half a day as well. Not happy about it as cleaning is a lot of work but we need the money and this home is right up the road. So I am enjoying today. It’s sunny and lots of work done here and clothes on the line. Grilling up some chicken later for chicken Caesar salad tonight. One of my favorite dinners!

Anywho-not much new here but I’m going strong as an old oak tree and tough as an old pair of boots! Effing love those sayings so I say them wherever I can. 🤓🤣

I’ll leave you with a selfie I took Saturday later in the day. That’s me, really feeling good and it’s all with the help from you all! Thank you! 😍❤️😘

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Yesterday

This picture has nothing to do with my post but I felt super whole in this vacation a couple years ago…totally sober vacation. Hope sometime in the future to be able to do this again.

Just a quick note to say how I’ve been on such a good streak, didn’t drink on Easter ( holidays are tough for me ) but yesterday I wanted a drink. I wanted to come home and have a drink sitting in the sun. Thing is it’s a weekday and my rule for myself is never on a work night. I really had to have a freaking boxing match with it in my head, but I DID WIN and did not stop for it. So freaking glad!

I do feel that since I do drink from time to time I actually make that fight not totally go away. This I am working on however my times between drinking keep getting longer and I continue to feel better mentally and physically. I like me and will keep investing in me.

So to all struggling it is hard, but this morning I am quite happy I won yesterday. Every win makes me want to fight harder. Thank you all here for your continued support!! ❤️❤️❤️

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Slow start to week 2

Sure hope everyone had a great Easter! I sure did and am very grateful.

So last week was week two of my eating better/working out dillio. Wait, is that a real word even? 🤣 I started Monday with terrible pains from myometritis. Starts at stomach and wraps around my back and all the way down to my knees. It comes with my monthly….sorry guys! 😬 Anyway, it varies each month but last week was particularly bad. It happens, but did hinder my weekly goals that week. Really drains ya!

My daughter has been home from college since Wednesday night and we were supposed to take her back Easter Sunday. Her one in person class for the week got changed to online so she asked to stay another week. So, I had no Easter plans. It was quite a delightful day! I had worked my butt off Saturday preparing for our 10hr round trip Sunday so was caught up on chores. Sunday was so nice so I grabbed our wheelbarrow and spent almost all day picking up pine cones and sticks. My college girl asked if I would play frisbee and so that was fun! She spent time with our horse brushing his winter fur off. After lawn work and before dinner we as a family played corn hole, fun time! And then hubby and I sat outside as he grilled our Easter meal, hamburgers. 😂 I had hamburg in the freezer so pulled it out. We talked about how Sunday was such a nice, unexpected day.

This was my 4th load.
I don’t know why I took a photo of me and a rake!!?? 😂😂😂

So in the end I did have a good week, minor setback for a good part of the week but back this week feeling better and ready to keep on track. I worked 9 1/2 hrs today and hubby is bringing home pizza for dinner. ( Pizza is healthy, right? 😁)

Thank you all for all your comments and encouragement! I really love my WP family! 😍

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Feeling better about myself and other randomness…

Hi everyone! I was going to update further along in my “feeling better about myself” new kick but I miss ya so thought I’d update tonight. Last summer I spent the summer disliking my body. I decided starting this Monday I would start to change that. I told myself I’d work out when I could and eat more “brain foods.” Well I have been doing yard work up the wahoo so haven’t worked out but have been eating very differently. I feel really good already! Lost 2lbs thus far. So in that first week goal, I am happy. Let’s hope I don’t gain it this weekend! I love my Saturday night snacks with hubby!

I also started a new face care routine. Some of my blogging friends ( don’t know how to tag people yet ) have started and they feel great! I love it and also as money is tight here, it’s an added bonus that I tell myself no to drinking because we all know our complexion is rough when drinking. Yeah-I’m still in limbo land but my times in between drinking keep getting farther and farther apart! All I can do is keep improving all around to be a better me.

One of our bunnies died that was named after my late grandma. ( not the completely house broken bunny in my pics ) I was very sad. Kids getting older, all our animals are older….weird feeling. RIP Winnie

Lastly my horse I am in love with had a very hard winter. He’s 28 years old. Here in NY that’s quite old with our harsh winters. He’s got melanoma cancer from head to bum, comes right out into his tail. He’s had it for years. It wraps around his belly a lot. He’s got a healed knee injury from jumping from his previous owner. He is a retired champion jumper! He has a new thigh issue. I saw this winter was so rough on him and he wasn’t his happy self. His previous owner is a vet I work for. I had a long conversation with her that we think it’s unfair to have him endure another winter. Arthritis has set in good. She agreed and has seen his decline. She said let him enjoy this warm weather coming and she said that he has had THE BEST retirement home EVER! That made me feel good. She also said we are being responsible pet owners for coming to this decision. We haven’t told many at all. Keep it to us for now. It’s going to be hell in the future but I’m going to give him all the love I have for now!!!

He likes to chew in my face! 😆❤️

Well that was lengthy! 😂

Hope you all have a great weekend!

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Finally warmer weather!

This is a waterfall at one of the places I work. I bet next time I see it, it will be all melted!

The weather is finally breaking here and we are outside more. It’s a wonderful feeling! I told myself I was going to start working out yesterday but I came home from work and my 16yr old daughter wanted to sit in the sun and chat. We chatted for an hour. It was wonderful. I also told myself I was going to eat lighter. I made tofu stir fry, tonight is shrimp Caesar wraps. ( My daughter likes hers with chicken )

I’ve been doing so good with the alcohol cravings and they keep getting further and further apart. I’m still in “Limbo Land” like my post awhile ago but I’m happy with myself but I’m always going to keep improving! The warmer weather brings new triggers now but I successfully grilled with a sparkling water last night. Grilling is a trigger of mine. It’s all about breaking that habit!

I received my new book in the mail yesterday. The smell of the pages in a new book are awesome! I’m so glad now I have so much time for reading and puzzles! It’s crazy how much time I wasted when I was drinking every night!

Anywho-I’m enjoying a cup of coffee watching the morning news now….feeling awesome! Have a great day everyone!

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A typical Monday…

I am posting last Monday’s routine I documented and never posted. Thanks to everyone that encouraged me to do so as it may be a bit boring. 😆😃 Have a great day!!

5:00am my alarm went off, and again at 5:10am. I got up and dressed and headed out to the kitchen to see my husband a few minutes before he leaves at 5:30am.

I sit on my couch with coffee news and go online for awhile. ( here! 😃 )

6:15 I eat breakfast, English muffin and an egg. I really enjoy my coffee and breakfast time. It’s a staple in my morning that makes me happy. I took a bite before I remembered to take a pic. 😂

6:40am I fed my horse his grain and alfalfa cubes ( he has hay too ) and picked up the night before poops.

7:15 am I fed our fish. ( we have 3 fish tanks currently that are my daughters that is in college now )

Then I put minimal make up on and threw my hair in a bun. I gathered my lunch around for work and left at 8am. Oh and I left a note for my daughter as I do every morning.

Notice my glasses follow me everywhere? 😂

4:30pm home from work and ready for my afternoon coffee! Chatted with my 16yr old daughter who is always glad to see me when I come home. It’s quite warming.

5:15pm feed our bunnies and then our horse and turn him in for the night.

How I “watch” tv with my bunny. 😂

6pm made chicken Caesar wraps for dinner. Yummy!!

Picked up kitchen, showered and planted my bum on the couch at 8pm to watch The Bachelor. I only really watch it as I watch it with my daughter and we always comment on the girl drama. Lol It’s a fun bonding time.

I usually go to bed about 10-10:30pm. I have a plant by my bed and a fleece blanket with my doggie that passed all over it that make me happy. My husband is usually snoring. 😂

Plant and lamp by my bed. 😍

Lastly I’ll post a picture that has nothing to do with my day but just because I think I’m ingenious for the caption I re-did. 😂😂

Switching it up for COVID the name of the book should be:

Put On Your Mask
When You’re Close
😂😂😂

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I’ve been wanting to update…

I have been wanting to post but not sure what to post. I’m doing really well and I have drank here and there but nothing repetitive. I am super happy with all my accomplishments however I feel I don’t have that date validation. ( sober dates ) I do go long periods of time without alcohol but I haven’t yet had that mindset for none, yet. I do feel a bit down about that but I keep telling myself how much progress I have made thus far. I’ve really moved mountains and thank you all here for the support. I have a supportive husband however he doesn’t quite understand how hard to get to here was for me. It’s easy for him.

Also-to Sober Veg Mama, I did last Monday document my day and didn’t post due to I thought it was boring…I am also not sure how to ensure she sees this. I think I will post that as it’s in my phone in “notes.” I really liked her idea of getting to know more than just drinking habits.

Have a great evening everyone! The finale of a show I have been watching is on tonight and I intend to eat ice cream and enjoy!

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