It’s okay to feel proud.

I’m feeling quite proud of myself lately. ( Well actually for a little while now.) I’ve got a good routine going on and am very thankful but also proud. Lots of hard work involved in getting here.

I used to get home from work and say I was going to have a drink but it only lead to more drinks. This would be the start of playing music, singing along, and wasting a shit ton of time not doing much productive. This would leave me THINKING I was happy, dinner made and all was grand. UNTIL the tiredness hit. I would put away any food and I’d fall asleep on the couch ( about 8pm ) and have to pick up from dinner the next morning. This daily cycle continued. I’d wake up either with a hangover or just not feeling good. Not happy. I laid in bed until the last minute I had to get out to go to work. I would use my Fitbit in the morning to see when I woke up to get to bed, I didn’t always remember. 😞

Fast forward to now after numerous attempts to fix this cycle and winning…

I’m sitting here after work, under a cozy blanket going to read a couple chapters in my Stephen King book with a cup of coffee. I’m quite content and TRULY happy. I’ll get up after and turn over the dishwasher, make dinner and clean up from dinner. I’ll then shower and then watch some tv and chill before bed. (Usually I’m done picking up from dinner at 7:30pm.) I enjoy sober chats and time with my husband. I go to bed sober and wake up at 4:45am feeling just wonderful AND TRULY happy again! I workout, have some “me” time other than working out and get ready for work. I remember everything and wake up anxiety free.

This took a lot of work. I am not totally alcohol free but I am happy with my relationship with it now. My mind wanted alcohol one day this week but I sat in the car and told my mind “No, that’s not what we do now.” It was a work night and that cycle I never want to start up again. Saying No is getting much easier too these days. I’m proud of that.

I’ve found since I’m not alcohol free I do have to have rules and stick to my guns on them. I’m seeing now the more I do that, the easier it is to stick to them. I have a good rhythm. It’s likely easier to go alcohol free, I’m just not there yet. I enjoy a drink with hubby when I want to.

So I’m proud of all my hard work. Don’t forget, I failed many times but kept on a trying! Maybe one day I will go alcohol free but for right now I am loving where I am. ❤️

Thanks for reading, it’s a bit lengthy! 😬


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12 Responses to It’s okay to feel proud.

  1. Dwight Hyde says:

    Love this concept of a good rhythm, Jackie! I can so relate especially the part on living with a disruptive rhythm in the past. You do day one everyday, putting in the good work, and the rewards are showing. Look how much your mental and physical health and also how you’re relationships with your husband and family have improved by you being able to show up to life. My god what a gift! Look in the mirror and smile my friend. I’m so happy and proud of you too! What a way to go into 2023 CRUSHING IT!!!

    • You are THE BEST!!! And so correct! I totally appreciate you and am so glad I have you as a friend! I’m so looking forward to the holidays not in a fog. I wasn’t in a fog last year but I had to fight the urge. This year I’m looking forward to it! We are going to crush 2023! I’ll be 49 just after Christmas. My new goal is to be in the best physical & mental shape of my life when I turn 50. It’s my present to myself and like you said spreads to others surrounding me. I’m looking forward to 2023 and working on this goal with you! Thanks so much Dwight for just being you!!! You definitely made me smile! ❤️😊

  2. Ainsobriety says:

    This sounds like a healthy step.
    I hope 2023 brings you much peace and joy.

  3. Lovie Price says:

    good for you Jackie! The holidays are a real tough time for most of us reformed”alkies” ( wow, its been forever since i used or heard that . Some of it is maybe the sadness for those we lost, but for others it’s the temptation because we see people celebrating with it everywhere…the “after all, it’s the holidays” thing. But for others still it’s remembering the good ole days and how it would feel when that little buzz was just starting , the holiday “cheer”, the songs, the food….it is tough. I have only had 3 glasses of wine this year and that was one night back in March after a terrible break up finally hitting my soul. I bought two bottles- i still have one in my bedroom closet- unopened. I could give it away. But it’s been a sort of totem, a reminder , a momento. Every time i see it, i think of how horrible it would make me feel afterwards. I see great things for you and so glad you are happy and thriving..onward to a most wonderful year!

    • Thanks so much Lovie! I read your comment a few times as it’s spot on for sure! Oh and “alkie’s” cracked me up! I so remember saying that all the time! 😂 This time of year really does bring out so many emotions. I really like your idea of keeping that bottle of wine to remember how it makes you feel. I host both sides of the family on Christmas, it can be a little overwhelming but at the same time I love it as well. I used to start the morning off with mimosas and by the end of the evening I was tired. I’d say it was from hosting and yes likely some due to that however it was mostly the alcohol. Every year my brother brings the makings for a Manhattan. They drink one in tribute to my Grampa as this was his signature drink. I did find it hard to say no to that tradition last year. This year I am heading into the holidays with a better headspace, very thankful for that. Onward to the most wonderful year to you as well!! I think it will be our best year yet!!

  4. Sober Sara says:

    I think that is a lot of be proud of! Some people do moderate successfully. The key is that you are enjoying your life and finding peace. 🙂 It is all a journey.

  5. I am so proud of you too, Jackie! I appreciate what you have done for yourself and your family and for all of the encouragement and positivity that you bring to Dwight and I every day. Can’t wait to be back up to speed so I can start paying some of that back after these past few weeks! 💞🤗

  6. Just catching up. This sounds amazing. My res is to wake up at 5am and work out. Dreading getting used to it. So happy you’ve found balance ♡♡

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